apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
