I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
