I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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