So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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