i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Your dad touched me again.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
