no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
