is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
