So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
