I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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