I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
