Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
