We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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