Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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