Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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