new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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