If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
