I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
