You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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