Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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