Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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