someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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