I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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