But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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