He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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