Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
