Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
