Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
