see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we're making bets on your personal life
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
