you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
