I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
