You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
