I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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