No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
