Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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