Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Four minutes until I can fart!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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