I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
