When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
