I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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