I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
