I just made out with a guy for $7.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
