She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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