She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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