nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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