Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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