true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i believe in u and ur pee
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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