it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
