Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
