somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
