1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
