Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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