I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
