I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
is wine microwaveable?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
