We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
