Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In other news, I just burned my penis
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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