I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
